Which Of These 7 Deadly Exes Have You Already Dumped?
Let’s be real. If you’re currently in a relationship, there are only two end games. 1) You break up. 2) You spend the rest of your lives together. Your current bae could end up being Mr. Mischievous, or he could be #TheOne. Unless you’re one of the lucky few who found someone and instantly knew they were for you, you probably had to go through trial and error. As terrible as these men have been, you’ll find that every single one of them had had a valuable lesson to teach you.
These are the 7 deadly exes you need to go through before finding #TheOne, starting with…
Mr. Know It All
There’s a lot of different things we don’t know. That’s why when you find someone so smart yet so witty, you kind of pause for a bit and think about how cool he’d be as a boyfriend. How your mother would be proud that you snatched the brainy boy from a smart school like UP, Ateneo, or La Salle. It isn’t until later, however, that you realise just how much of a prideful and condescending know-it-all he can be. There’s no need for that in your life, sweetie. Not at all.
He craves everything. His greed is insatiable, leaving him unfulfilled with only you. The fuccboi will cheat on you, leaving you hurt and emotionally wounded. Maging strong ka, friend! Because Mr. Fuccboi will come back to you and lick the wounds that he inflicted. “It was a mistake”, “I wasn’t thinking”, and “I was thinking about you the whole time” are all (sadly) effective terms used to lure in weak-willed girls. When he comes around playing, don’t let him in for round 2.
Parang galit si kuya? Not only is Mr. Criminal sort of mental, he can also be somewhat of a creep. He’s the boy with deep, dark, 50 Shades Of Grey types of fantasies that you’ll learn to run away from (unless you like that, of course). On top of his questionable desires, he’s constantly angry, twisting your words around to always make you look like the bad guy. Stand up for yourself like the respectable hoe that you are! Respectable hoes unite!
Mr. Booty Call
If you thought Mr. Fuccboi was bad, girl, mas malala si Mr. Booty Call. At least the fuccboi managed to take you out for dinner, even somewhere nice and sweet like Blackbird or Made Nice (BTW, check out our date ideas! You and bae will LOVE these!). At least he made an effort. Mr. Booty Call likes to shower you with compliments only to ring you up around 3 am and kick you out five minutes after he finishes. What a lustful yet unloving guy.
Mr. Netflix No Chill
I love adventures. Don’t you? I can’t imagine anything worse than someone who won’t let you go out or insists on staying home 24/7! You need someone who’ll whisk you away to tropical getaways on a whim (even The Island if you can’t afford to make a wet and wild /ESCAPE). Mr. Netflix No Chill is the opposite of a fun guy. He may be nice, he may be cute, but the way he sloths around like a couch potato just isn’t for you.
Mr. Calls Every 5 Minutes
He’s green with envy. You find that when ever you go out with your girlfriends, you’re being interrogated like a criminal just because he’s worried another man will be there. He’s overprotective and won’t let you enjoy things without him. This is the type of man so insecure that he’s threatened by your GBFs, that’s gay best friend FYI, who have no interest in you. When he calls in the club asking what time you’re coming home, tell him you need a daddy, not a father.
Mr. Dua Lipa Disappointer
This relationship, darling, is the one where ~you’re~ head over heels for him rather than the other way around. He’s your sweet obsession, You spend every second of everyday thinking about him, and when you break up, you continue disappointing Dua Lipa and start dating your ex again. Too bad he doesn’t think of you often. This rocky ‘on-again-off-again’ relationship isn’t heading to a happily ever after. Don’t go loving someone who isn’t on your wavelength.
There’s something to learn from every relationship (as you’ll see on /ESCAPE in the coming weeks). For example, Mr. Know It All teaching you that you need someone understanding and patient, and Mr. Netflix No Chill reminding you that you’re looking for adventures. Tell us what your crazy exes have taught you in the comments below!