Lessons Learned From being NBSB to being Facebook Official
Just like all a majority of my friends, I too was a No Boyfriend Since Birth girl. Coming from an exclusive girls’ school and graduating from university with a series of flings in college, a boyfriend wasn’t an urgent need. I wanted a career, above anything else. And I, just like you, have been a victim of every Tita’s question: Do you have a boyfriend already?
A year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to answer that. NBSB girls often get the “you’re too pretty to not have a boyfriend” and surprisingly, someone once told me I was too smart to have a boyfriend because my knowledge will somehow intimidate and emasculate him (it’s 2019, Tita. Let’s all let women be who they are). Some girls probably hold back because they have duties to their families first. Some want it all or nothing, it has to be their dream boy/girl or the highway. Some are possibly traumatized by the fauxlationships they’ve been in to gamble again.
A year ago, I would have been triggered by that golden Tita question. Now, however, I don’t have to answer to her because I can introduce him to her before she even asks. I am officially part of the group of girls who after the long wait, multiple disappointing dates, and infinite regretful morning afters, have finally met the guy who would be the reason for me to change my Facebook status.
Here’s some things I’ve learned from being NBSB to being in a Facebook Official Relationship.
It Takes a Lot of Work
Having a boyfriend is not all cotton candy and flowers and chocolates. It’s not just going out on dates, watching movies together, etc. While most of the cute shit is posted on the ‘gram, we all know the dangers of life curation. You have to make conflicting schedules match, you have to figure out where to eat all the time, miscommunication is bound to happen. There’s a lot of fighting, and that’s normal as most relationship experts would tell you. The important thing is learning to compromise together.
It’s a Gamble
Me and my partner aren’t ashamed we met online. We’re not ashamed that we saw it was a short term relationship from the start, we always tell people we had no idea we would end up as life partners the first night we met. But as we got to know each other, things changed and he ended up asking me to be his girlfriend after a round of chicken nuggets while watching Riverdale. Here’s the tough love about true love: You’ll never know who your great love will be, they don’t wear neon-lit headbands that say “I’m your bae”. It might be your best friend, your neighbor, that cute guy across the bar?! You won’t meet your dream boy if you don’t take that risk and go out with people!
Have Expectations But Don’t Let Them Be Rules
It’s important to have an expectation of what you want out of a relationship but to dictate exactly who you want from height to job title is close the impossible. Stick to The Sims, go whoo-hoo all you want there. We all dreamed that Zac Efron or Joe Jonas would marry us when we were 13 but we all know that’s a lie. You can’t just order a man/woman with features that you want, that seems like a Black Mirror episode waiting to happen. In real life, your partner will have flaws and you will, too! What’s important is learning to look beyond them and working together to help each other to become better.
You Don’t Have to Post Everything on the ‘Gram
Not everyone needs to be updated with your love story. The beauty of being in a relationship is that there’s just two of you (unless you’re into polyamory, that’s dope, too!) and the whole world doesn’t need to know what you two are up to. Every date can be documented for the sole purpose of you want to look back at it when you grow old. Plus, research shows that couples who post about their relationship is probably compensating for unhappiness! Yikes!
Love Really Is a Choice
On bad days and days of miscommunication, loving the other person is an on-going thing. It’s easy to hate but to love while you’re pissed af is true love. If you pause your love for that person while you guys are in a fight, you’re doing love wrong. You gotta love through the ups and downs!
Commitment is Easy
Shout out to all the cheaters, this one’s for you. Committing to someone comes from the fact that you don’t want to be touched or loved by anyone else except your partner. It’s unimaginable to you to be loved (romantically) by anyone other than that other person. It’s a simple concept and it’s not rocket science. The moment yow cheating ass starts looking at other asses is the day you turn into a disappointment to your partner. SO DON’T BE THAT.
Your Current Partner Is Not Your Past
A psychiatrist can tell you that previous relationships can greatly affect your future relationships. The same shrink will also be the one to tell you that while the previous trauma will be there and your dating behavior will be affected, it’s the same shrink who will tell you that your future partners are nothing like your past partners. Thus, putting your doubt and trauma on them will be unfair. Just like hate, blaming your past is easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.
He/She Will Feel Like Home and Should be Part of the Family
Approval from your family is important but it’s also not the lone reason (you should know what’s best for you, not them!). I say this because having a boyfriend you’re serious about means he/she is now part of your family. And that’s the most innocent type of love there is in this world, next to cute cats realizing they’re being adopted.
Stop Being A Diva
There’s a difference between being a queen and a diva. A queen knows when to compromise, a diva doesn’t. I know we’ve been told that we deserve the world and the moon and the stars but the last thing you want to be is unreasonable! Be a queen, never a diva. A healthy relationship requires two people to be happy!