How I KonMari’d My Toxic Friends
“Does this spark joy?” is the main front liner of Marie Kondo’s Konmari method, designed for cleaning up your home. ICYMI, she’s the new Japanese neat-queen taking over Netflix. It’s true that the KonMari method goes beyond cleaning up your wardrobe and decluttering your home. The idea of throwing out things that no longer bring us joy also applies to everything in life. From shoes to jobs, Marie Kondo’s simple principle is a must-follow, especially for friends and family that no longer spark joy and just spark arguments.
To say the friendship has gone sour would be an understatement in these scenarios. It has not only turned sour, it has turned bitter and #toxic.
While, just like the KonMari method, you can compartmentalize your friends and family into boxes based on how much your love and trust them, why would you hold on to a box that’s filled with slowly rotting relationships? While some might look salvageable, the others are just beyond repair and you have to recognize and live with that.
Based on my experience, one of my girlfriends told me “I can’t tolerate you anymore”. Another said she’ll “meet my boyfriend out of respect”. The other said that she can’t be friends with me because I didn’t greet her on her birthday 3 years in a row. All of these girls were people I trusted and were friends with for such a long time. We have all mutually decided to end the friendship for the sake of our own sanities.
If you’ve never had to let go of friends, good for you! You have found a set of people who you can truly rely on and love you in every sense of the word. They accept you and are understanding of you, and vise versa. However, if you have let go of friends like this you would know that it can be one of the toughest decisions to make. Sometimes, it can be harder than breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s like the best party of your life coming to an end: it sucks but it’s inevitable. You’ve had your fun but now it’s time to move on to another party.
For those who don’t want any drama, you can pull a French and just leave the friendship without saying a word to avoid any conflict. No bloodshed, no hurtful comments online, no bitter endings. The sad thing about Frenching is that you’ll both have zero closure, #ghosting.
On the other hand, you can face it spot-on and “break up” with them. This is not easy and we can assure you that tears will be involved, but the biggest plus to this is being able to say goodbye to your girlfriend and attaining closure. Consider this an exit interview, something much like what HR does when you resign from your not-so-dream-job. And in true KonMari tradition, give thanks to the moments of joy that you’ve had together, say sorry for any damages done, and on to the next chapter of your life.
It might be hard but you simply have to let go of friends you lost connection with. Trying to make it work is just prolonging the agony and that’s not fair on both of you. Forgive yourself and the other person, some friendships are simply not meant to last longer than its expiration date. Circumstances will greatly affect andy situation and never forget that people change.
Being friends with your friend at some point in time must have been what both of you two needed. Now that you’ve grown, priorities have changed, perspectives have shifted, and lifestyles have varied, they don’t quite seem like the person they used to be. This also applies to you, you’re not the same person you were since you met your friend and there’s no problem with that. You do you, and let them do them. You both might have sparked joy in each other in some point, but that time is gone now and you have to accept that.
This is not to say that these people hold us down or stop us from living the best life we can live. No, these people have simply changed-or even possibly, stayed as their toxic selves – and you’ve realized that that girlfriend is no longer a friend you’d want to have. That’s completely fine. That’s more than fine, that’s life. You grow, you learn, you choose the people to bring with you to the next chapter and which ones to cancel. Not for the sake of ratings, but for the sake of your sanity.
Moral of the story?
Friends that no longer spark joy can be let go of and no one is at fault when that happens. Which girlfriends do you keep? The girlfriends that spark joy are relationships that help you grow and evolve with you. Cheers to the friends of the past, friends who have stayed, and the friends that are yet to come!